Ratna Punya Cerita

2019 was a hard year for me. I lost my dad. I was in the situation I’ve never imagined on the day he’s gone. None of the family was there. My husband was not around, I had no shoulder to cry on. Being tough was the only option I had at that time. I feel empty for months. Couldn’t cry but my heart and head were heavy. Until I was given an opportunity to visit Haramain in unexpectedly way in the end of the year. It was surely the most humbling and wonderful experience ever. Crying a lot never been that peaceful because no one judges. Whenever I was staring, standing and praying right by the Kaaba I feel like it’s just me and Allah. I was talking to Him only. I feel accepted and listened, for everything I am. I was overwhelmed with Allah’s love. My heart was filled with hope. My soul was healed.  "And when My servants ask you, [O Muḥammad], concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] a

  Experiencing the everyday hustle and bustle in Makkah makes me realize that life goes on, no matter what. If you don’t keep moving you will fall down. I realize that everything ends up working out. Sometimes even better than I can imagine.  Whenever I'm in a hard place or feel like I'm being challenge the most, all I need to do is believe in where I'm heading, whatever Allah brings.  A turning point to face grieving time. A new spirit to live my life better after my dad passed away.  "Whatever blessings you have are from Allah. Then whenever hardship touches you, to Him alone you cry for help". (Q.S An Nahl : 53)

Isolasi mandiri di lantai dua, tinggal di sebuah ruangan seluas 12 m², di mana rute harian hanyalah kamar, balkon dan kamar mandi. Aku bisa mendengar suara suami, anak-anak dan mbah dari atas. Mereka ada, utuh tapi tak bisa disentuh. Di situlah kadang air mataku luruh. Waktu rasanya berjalan sangat lambat. Apalagi di awal isoman sedang tidak sholat. Berdoa saat  itu terasa ada yg kurang. Aku juga merasakan kadang aku semangat, kadang ambyar. Apalagi di suatu hari kabar duka datang bertubi-tubi. Lalu ingat bahwa suatu saat nanti, namakulah yg disebut dalam pengumuman kematian itu. Kalau aku pikir-pikir isolasi mandiri ini ibarat belajar mempersiapkan kematian. Betapa tidak, di kamar sendiri, meninggalkan orang-orang yang kita sayang, apa yang kita punya dan gemerlap dunia tak lagi berguna. Menyadarkanku bahwa sesungguhnya yang paling dekat dengan kita adalah kematian. Sementara yang jauh adalah angan-angan. Aku suka lupa kalau setiap hembusan nafas adalah satu langkah mendekati kematian